Buddy Blue Bio

1963
Buddy is enamored of his older siblings' rock & roll records. His amused parents force him to perform "The Twist" at a cocktail party, resulting in a lifelong battle with stage fright and a fear of old Jewish people.

1969
Buddy's brother takes him down to the basement and forces him to smoke hashish while listening to Frank Zappa records and reading filthy underground comix. Any hopes of living a normal existence are forever dashed.

1970
Buddy's first show biz experience is playing the role of "Motel Kamzoil" in a Jewish Community Center youth production of "Fiddler On The Roof." Despite this, he grows up to be heterosexual.

1971
Buddy falls in with a crowd of juvenile delinquents; learns to hotwire cars, pick locks, smoke cigarettes, drink booze, take drugs, give tattoos with a sewing needle and walk like a Negro.

1974
Horrified by her son's hoodlum friends and drug use, Buddy's mom moves him to Southern California, where he immediately meets new friends named Ellis Dee and Mez Kaleen. Buddy starts playing guitar and joins a garage band called "Carnage." No, seriously.

1975
Buddy, already becoming a blues snob, quits Carnage when the group insists on playing "Taking Care Of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

1976
Buddy graduates high school with a 1.2 GPA, moves into a tiny apartment with his bitchy girlfriend, quits drug use, starts working a series of horrible, degrading menial jobs including factory laborer, construction worker, janitor, stock boy and retail clerk.

1979
Mr. Blue ceases working crappy jobs, goes to college, joins staff of student newspaper. Meets Texas bluesman Tomcat Courtney, starts playing slide guitar with him; is taught how to fry catfish and dislike white people.

1980
Buddy joins country band June Bohl and the East County Express. Quits after being called "Jewboy" for the 1000th time. Dislike of white people is reinforced.

1981
Buddy forms roots band The Rockin' Roulettes, resumes drug use, marries bitchy girlfriend. Leaves her a month later when she notifies him he must choose between her and the Roulettes.

1983
Leaves Roulettes to form the Beat Farmers with Jerry Raney, Rolle Love and Country Dick Montana, who re-names him Buddy "Big Bladder" Blue due to propensity for taking torrential leaks in the parking lots of bars. Ceases bathing regularly.

1986
Leaves Beat Farmers to form The Jacks. Quits drug use again, resumes bathing, becomes fat.

1987
Launches journalism career writing for The San Diego Reader; is soon fired for refusing to write mean things about other musicians.

1990
"Retires" from the music biz to concentrate on journalism career; learns to write mean things about other musicians as long as they suck. Ensuing writing gigs will include stints with The San Diego Union Tribune, Los Angeles Times, OC Weekly and San Jose Mercury News.

1991
"Un-retires" from music, releases first solo album, "Guttersnipes 'n' Zealots," which fails to take the world by storm.

1993
Starts The Buddy Blue Band, which will continue playing jump/swing/blues for the next decade, failing to take the world by storm. Wreaks revenge by writing mean things about musicians that suck and Republicans.

1997
Marries non-bitchy goyish girlfriend, THE BUMP. Learns that some white people are okay, as long as they're not Republicans.

2002
THE BUMP gives birth to Lulu Ann Blue, who will one day become the first female President of the United States and outlaw the Republican party.

2003
Dissolves the Buddy Blue Band, forms the Flying Putos with former Beat Farmer bandmates Jerry Raney, Rolle Love and Joel Kmak. Looks forward to getting first AARP card in a few years.